About a year ago when I realized it would be my very last year in my forties, I started creating goals that I would reach by the time I hit fifty. I decided that I wanted to be one of those people who was so healthy and fit, that I would want to tell everyone my age and no one would believe me. I joined a gym, I bought organic fruits and vegetables, I ate mostly raw, and I refused to buy larger pants because I was insistent that I would soon fit into the old ones. It wasn't long however that I got busy and stopped working out; when we were out I was way too tempted by all the amazing vegan food to stay raw, and I finally broke down and bought larger jeans.

I also had spiritual goals that I wanted to meet, and for some reason staying on course for those was much easier. I have practiced meditation for years, but some mornings brought so many demands on me, that I often did leave my bedroom without quieting my mind. In the last year, however, I started making meditation more and more a priority. I recognized that it had a great impact on the flow and effectiveness of my day. I noticed that it helped me feel more patient, more creative, more at ease in my skin, and more at ease with others. I love the way my days felt when I started it off with meditation. Everything got done, there was time for everyone who needed me, and I felt swept up in an easy and efficient flow with my day, my job, and with all of life.

My whole life I have always felt fat and unattractive. Sometimes I look at pictures from when I was younger and wonder what was wrong with me that I couldn't see myself. I was a size 8 and gorgeous, but at the time I hated the way I looked. I realized that no matter if I was thin or young or attractive, in the moment I could not see it. So I wondered is there something wrong with my looks or my mind?! But after meditating regularly over the last several months, I realized that I was not picking myself apart in the mirror anymore. Instead, I saw someone vibrant and shiny looking back. I stopped criticize my lumps, bumps, grey hairs, and wrinkles, and instead started seeing myself as beautiful for the first time in my life. I started feeling OK in my own skin and stopped comparing myself to other women. I was about to turn fifty, I was wearing the largest size I had ever worn, and yet I felt at peace with myself. I felt attractive, valuable and important.

Without the weight and size goals attained, and Friday just a few days away, I started panicking for a very brief moment about not achieving the visions I had set for myself. Then I realized something: My goals were to be fit, healthy, and thin by the time I turned fifty. The ultimate reason I wanted to achieve those goals is so that I could feel beautiful and comfortable with myself. Then I also realized that I might not have reduced the numbers on the scale yet, but I did feel beautiful and comfortable with myself. So doesn't that mean that I reached my goals?! I was believing that changing the way I felt about myself was about growth I would do on the outside of me, but all along the real changes took place when I did the work on the inside of me.

When I meditate each and every morning, I align myself with the real me. With the me that has come here to do good, that is all loving, compassionate, fearless, and determined to help others on my journey. When I am aligned with the real me, I know who I am, and I feel good about myself. I also feel good about others, no matter how they choose to show up. I no longer believe what our society has decided is beautiful, and realize that love and spirit are always beautiful in all and any form. I feel so happy all the time, and I am totally at ease with turning fifty!

I wish our society would teach the truths that animals naturally know: To have quiet time every day, live in the moment and be grateful, embrace where we are, never shame ourselves or others, and accept ourselves and others for who they are. The animals have shown me to celebrate life, that there is no such thing as death when someone leaves their bodies, that we are perfect the way that we are, to follow our hearts, and to realize our dreams. If we could just practice these things, it would eliminate so much pain and struggle. I am lucky to have been taught these things by the animals that we save, and who in turn save us. It took me half a decade, but I have finally arrived; I feel happy and at ease, I am OK with who I am, and I am grateful for a healthy, energetic, working body. I have learned from them that no matter how old my body is, how old I feel is a choice. No matter what society says I need to look like, I am choosing to feel beautiful, healthy, and well, just as I am. I look back at all that I have been through, all that I have learned, and how much I have grown, and I cannot wait to see what the next fifty years bring. It's going to be amazing, and I am on the edge of my seat!